Pairing: Harry/Ron, Harry/OC
Genre: Coming out, First Time, Angst
Word count: ~9000
Original posting: Dec 10, 2006
Summary: Post War. They’re 18. Harry decides that
it’s time to come out to his closest friends and gets a
help from a new friend. Of course it’s Ron that
holding a torch for.
Author Notes: This
is a stand alone and I
really enjoyed writing it despite the fact that it took me several
be afraid of the OC – he’s just passing
through and lending a helping hand (so to speak) to our boys.
Art by the
Nothing Left Between
Saturday night, Harry sat at the bar nursing his third beer.
been offered about a dozen and turned them all down. Plenty of guys had
showed interest in him, but not one had piqued his. He watched the
dancers and the various groups of men drinking and chatting each other
up. There was a corner table not too far from him where four men were
obviously just friends hanging out. One of them kept looking his way
every so often. He wasn’t ogling; his eyes were kind and it
more like he was checking up on him. Harry was beginning to think
coming to the bar had been a colossally stupid idea. He was standing up
to leave, when he noticed the man with kind eyes right behind him.
“You okay?” the man asked with far more concern
than a typical stranger would have.
“Fine, thanks,” Harry answered, and leaned back
against the bar.
The man was about an inch or two taller than Harry, had dark brown hair
and the lightest brown eyes. Harry noted that they were more a
yellowish amber. They seemed to be staring straight through him.
“I swear I’m not trying to pick you up.”
“You’d be the first.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. Yet you’ve turned
them all away.”
Harry shrugged his shoulders.
The man continued. “So why are you here?”
“I haven’t a clue,” Harry said honestly.
“Do you want to go somewhere and talk?”
Harry smiled and answered, “I thought you weren’t
trying to pick me up.”
“Oh maybe just a little, but really I think I’m
restoring some universal karma.”
“Karma?” Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yep, not too long ago I was the one sitting on the barstool
offering myself up to the gay gods of fate when a very nice guy took me
aside and helped me work out a few things.”
“You think I need help?”
“It’s in your eyes.” Their eyes met and a
passed in which the world around them seemed to stand still.
I’m Ryan.” he said, extending his hand.
Harry shook his hand and responded, “Harry.”
“How old are you, Harry?”
“Yes, really,” Harry retorted, a bit annoyed,
“Twenty six, and I’m just seeing what kind of
trouble I’m getting myself into here.”
“Don’t worry, I’m plenty
wasn’t sure what had possessed him to be so smug, maybe the
of Godric Gryffindor. In actuality, his knees were trembling and his
stomach was twisting in knots.
“I bet you are,” Ryan said with a knowing smile.
“Do you want to get out of here?”
“Sure.” Must be Gryffindor again,
Harry thought to himself as he followed Ryan out of the bar.
They walked the five blocks to Ryan’s flat mostly talking
the weather and Ryan’s boredom with his job in investment
banking. When they reached his block of flats, Ryan sat down the front
stairs and Harry joined him.
“Look, Harry, I know what this looks like,” Ryan
“but I’ve been there. And I thought that maybe you
talk to someone who has.”
“Been there?” Harry asked slightly confused about
what anyone else could possibly have in common with himself.
“And what’s that?”
“I don’t know, maybe young, gay and trying to
figure it all out,” Ryan offered.
“Maybe.” Harry shrugged.
Ryan gently brushed the hair out of Harry’s eyes and looked
deeply into them. “Or maybe sad. Maybe you’re sad
something you want but can’t have.”
Harry was startled by the accuracy of the guess.
Ryan continued his effort to spread some good karma, “I was
once. I was so sad that I sat on that barstool and waited for anyone to
pick me up and take me home. I thought some random anonymous fucking
was going to make me hurt less.”
“And did it?” Harry asked almost hopeful.
“No,” Ryan smiled. “I never got that far.
Samaritan took me out for a cup of coffee and talked some sense into
“And what was that?”
“That if I wanted a random shag that was great and more power
me. Only if I was depressed because of a lost relationship, all the
fucking in the world wasn’t going to help.”
“What happened to you?” Harry asked, and tried to
Ryan’s strained expression. “I’m sorry.
don’t want to talk about it…”
“No, I don’t mind. I figured as much.”
“That I would have to tell you my story. Full circle, you
see. Anyway, maybe it will you help you.”
“Let’s see, I was nineteen, gay, in the closet and
desperately wanted to get away from my family and friends.”
started his story. “So I decided to do a year
University in New York. In one of my classes, I met a very handsome and
charismatic New Yorker. He swept me off my feet. Shit, I need a
drink.” Ryan rubbed his face. “Do you mind coming
Harry followed Ryan up to the second floor flat. Ryan produced two
beers and they settled on the sofa. After Ryan drank about half the
beer, he continued his story. “So I’m young, in
love and an
ocean away from my past. It was pretty great. But then the year was
over and I wasn’t staying in New York and he wasn’t
With empathy, Harry watched Ryan swallow hard and collect his thoughts.
“Shit. Can you believe it? Over six years and it still
hurts.” Ryan took another long swig of his. Harry drank as
Ryan pressed on. “So we parted swearing to remain friends.
were a few emails and phone calls and then fade to gray. ”
“Sorry,” Harry offered, not quiet knowing what to
“That’s sweet, thanks. Life is just like that.
Things end and then you have to let go.”
“How do you let go?” Harry asked, hoping for some
“I’m not sure. At some point you finally realize
over. I kept holding on until it hurt more to hang on then it hurt to
“Does anything help?”
“Time, only time.” Ryan said sadly.
“Does it really?” Harry asked doubtfully.
“Sort of. It hurts but as an old wound, not so fresh and at
surface. You meet new people and have new relationships. You move
on.” Ryan finished his beer and stood up. “Fancy
“Okay.” Harry answered, perhaps not the best idea
was already a little drunk. He finished the one still in his hand while
Ryan went to the kitchen for two more. Harry stood and walked about the
living room looking at the art and photographs.
“So what were you doing at the club?” Ryan asked as
he handed Harry another beer.
“I suppose trying to figure out for sure if I’m
“Oh, I can take care of that,” Ryan said before
down and seizing Harry’s lips. It was a playful kiss, warm
lot of tongue. Ryan grabbed Harry’s arse with his free hand
pulled him tight to his body. After a minute, he broke the kiss and
stepped back. “So were you turned on or repulsed?”
playfully, already knowing the answer by the large bulge in
The answer came in between deep breaths. “Turned
“You’re gay,” Ryan declared
matter-of-factly. He then
caught Harry’s eye and looked at him thoughtfully.
already knew that.”
Changing his stare to the floor Harry replied,
Ryan motioned for Harry to sit on the sofa, which he did. Ryan joined
him and they each took a long sip of their beers.
“So, why are you really here?”
“Escape,” Harry answered without any emotion.
“And what does a handsome eighteen year old like you need
Harry blushed at the compliment. He never really thought about how
other people perceived him.
Ryan caught this and added, “You’re sexy as
hell,” as he patted Harry’s knee.
With a bit of a drunken slur, Harry answered the open
“I live with my two best mates, Hermione and Ron, in the
that my godfather left me when he died. The three of us have a long
history, which includes the two of them occasionally having the hots
for each other. But deep down I suppose they’re more like
and sister, so it never works out. Of course, I am in love with him and
he is straight.”
Ryan smiled. “In love with the straight best friend.
That’s the oldest gay teen story there is.”
“So have you heard this one?” Harry took another
of his beer for courage and chose his words carefully. “The
of us spent the last year together tracking down said
murderer and the murderer’s boss. The boss, by the way, had
murdered my parents. Four months ago we finally managed
to…” Harry thought a moment. “bring them
I was seriously injured and spent a month in the hospital. They were
there at my bed side everyday.” Harry finished proudly and
sucked down the rest of his beer.
Ryan just stared at him. It was the most unbelievable story and yet he
could tell from Harry’s eyes that it was true.
your parents die?” he asked cautiously.
“When I was one.”
Ryan did a bit of a double take.
Harry continued with a dash of sarcasm, “Oh yes, just when
thought the story couldn’t get any juicier. I was left with
aunt and uncle, who never wanted me and pretty much told me so every
day. For the next ten years of my life I spent most of my time in a
cupboard under their stairs. When I was eleven I went away to school.
There I met Ron and Hermione and we’ve been together
Ryan just stared not knowing what he could possibly say.
Harry took a deep breath and let it out before going on. “So
see, it’s not a simple case of being in love with a friend.
is my life. Ron is my family. He has traveled to hell and back for me.
I am resolved that I can not lose him, even if he can’t be my
lover.” Harry was finished and sat quietly waiting for some
After a few thoughtful moments, Ryan answered, “No,
never heard that one.” He reached his arms out and pulled
into a warm embrace. “Like I said, someone was once there for
I could do that for you.”
“Could you make me forget everything for just one
night?” Harry asked, trying to look as seductive as possible.
Harry felt kisses across his jaw and his neck sending shivers down his
spine. Ryan gently pushed him onto his back on the sofa and whispered
in his ear, “Yeah, I can do that.”
Ryan’s mouth was upon Harry’s kissing him again.
Ever so quiet and restrained, Harry moaned.
“Are you sure?” Ryan whispered again in his ear.
“Yes,” Harry responded in a strangled whisper.
And then Harry Potter, for the moment, let go. He closed his eyes and
let go of his fear and uncertainty. He let go of his stress and
anxiety. He let go of his pain and of his expectations. He simply
allowed himself to feel. He felt lips kissing his neck and hands
caressing his back under his shirt. He felt hands at the button and zip
of his trousers. He felt hands pushing his pants down his thighs. He
felt the wet heat of a mouth descending upon his aching cock. He felt
the most incredible suction and hands grabbing his arse and pulling him
into that suction.
There could be no control. He had been on the brink of orgasm since the
first kiss. All of the lights in the apartment and several streetlights
outside flickered as Harry came with a muffled scream.
was the expression on Ryan's face as he sucked Harry clean.
Harry opened his eyes and saw Ryan next to him smiling softly.
“Are you all right,” Ryan asked sincerely.
“Yeah.” Harry blew out a deep breath.
“I’m fine. That was…
“Your first time?”
Harry had been trying to say fantastic or brilliant or something to
that effect, but as he thought about Ryan’s question he
“Do you want to spend the night?”
Harry nodded affirmatively. Ryan helped him pull his pants back up and
led him to the bedroom. Harry sat precariously on the edge of the bed.
Slowly Ryan stripped down to his boxers and sat next to Harry. Harry
couldn’t help but stare at the man’s erection.
Ryan smiled knowingly. “Don’t worry I
don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to
“It’s just that I don’t think
you know… for what you did for me,” Harry said
Ryan began to kiss Harry again and Harry welcomed it heartily. With
obvious experience, Ryan helped Harry remove his clothes in between
kisses and caresses. Fairly quickly they were naked in the middle of
the bed. Tentatively, Harry reached for the other man’s cock.
Despite his nerves, he was determined to show some sort of reciprocity.
It was warm and moist from pre-cum. Ryan placed his hand over
Harry’s and helped him to find a comfortable rhythm.
“That’s nice,” he encouraged the novice.
Harry closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the feeling. He could
feel the other man stiffening in his grasp. Harry stroked harder and
faster just as he would do to himself when he was close to coming.
Occasionally Harry would change his grip and stroke over the top
squeezing with his index and middle finger. In approval, Ryan moaned.
After a few minutes, Ryan came over Harry’s fist and both
stomachs. He kissed Harry gently in appreciation, and they rested a
Eventually Ryan slowly got up. “I’m going to take a
shower, join me?”
As Harry stepped into the warm shower, he was almost embarrassed to
find that he was hard again. Ryan noticed but didn’t seem to
mind. He kissed Harry and expertly stroked him to another climax.
Clean and sated they left the bathroom wearing towels. It was now after
2 A.M. Sunday morning. As they entered the bedroom they both looked
toward a tapping sound coming from the window. It only took Harry a
moment to see Hedwig’s snowy white feathers against the
outside. The tapping grew louder as Hedwig caught her
“What on earth?” Ryan exclaimed.
“Oh, that’s...” Harry tried to think of
what to say
as he headed to the window. “Hedwig.” The simple
all he could come up with.
“Who?” Ryan asked, and looked slightly alarmed as
opened the window and the large snowy owl flew in and perched on his
“Ow,” Harry said as she dug her talons into his
shoulder. He prompted her to jump to the back of his forearm instead.
Ryan stared open mouth.
Harry flashed a guilty smile. “I have an owl. She must have
followed me here. She’s trained, sort of like a carrier
“I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“Yeah, I suppose it’s rare.” Harry took
from Hedwig’s leg. Luckily there was enough moonlight to read
Hermione’s perfectly neat handwriting.
you? Are you all right?
Harry looked to Ryan sheepishly, “Do you have a
“You’ve got to be kidding,” Ryan joked as
he handed Harry a pen from the nightstand.
Harry scratched a reply on the back of the parchment.
home girl.” Harry sent Hedwig on her way and closed the
Harry looked to Ryan. “Sorry about that. My friends were
worried about me.”
“It’s fine,” Ryan replied slightly
confused, but then took Harry’s hand and led him back to the
When they were snuggled up and comfortable beneath the covers, Ryan
remarked, “You are certainly different, Harry.”
Harry wanted to say, you
have know idea,
but instead closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax in the arms of
a stranger. It did not take very long for sleep to overtake them both.
They woke around noon. Harry dressed hastily and said that he had
better get home. Ryan grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down his
mobile number. “Just in case you ever need to talk.”
“Thanks,” Harry replied, “thanks for
Harry tentatively entered Number 12 Grimmauld Place. They had been
living there for two months, ever since Harry had been released from
St. Mungo’s. They wanted to stay together, at least for a
while. Hermione devised that they could each help each other adjust
back to normal life, whatever that was. It was also still heavily
warded and would be the safest place for them, as only Order members
could find it. Harry figured that they had spent almost every day
together the past year, that it would take a while for them to feel
secure enough to be apart. Only Harry didn’t want to be
certainly didn’t feel like his house yet, but wherever
and Ron were seemed to feel like home.
They had each claimed a bedroom and when Harry chose the smallest, Ron
and Hermione insisted that he move into the master bedroom. He hated
it. It was far too big and empty and the décor reminded him
Mrs. Black. Hermione told him to redecorate. Harry had tried to drop
subtle hints to Ron about sharing the room. After all they had shared a
dorm room for years. Only Ron seemed to be oblivious any time Harry
tried to plant the idea in his best mate’s head.
The house was dark and quiet as he headed up to his bedroom. Harry had
commanded Kreacher to remain at Hogwarts, not just because of
Hermione’s objection to owning a house elf, but Harry could
stand the little bugger. Harry had hoped to sneak into his bedroom
before his friends saw him. Unfortunately Ron had poked his head out of
his own bedroom at the sound of the creaking stairs.
“So you got lucky last night?” Ron asked with
“Yea,” Harry answered honestly.
“So what did she look like?” Ron asked, his eyes
wide and inquiring.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh sure,” Ron said deflated.
“Don’t want to kiss and tell.”
Harry nodded and passed by Ron. Ron’s words froze him as he
turned the knob to his room.
“Harry, everything all right?”
“Yeah, I just need some sleep.”
“Oh right, right,” Ron added, looking rejected.
Harry managed to avoid his roommates the rest of the evening. He woke
up early Monday and left even before Hermione. He left them a note
saying that he needed some time alone and not to worry about him. Harry
spent the entire day walking around London. He found it ironic that the
people he wanted to be around most in the world were the two he was
avoiding. He hadn’t realized that around six
o’clock he had
ended up in front of Ryan’s flat. He sat down on the front
and about a half an hour later, he saw Ryan walking towards him from
down the block.
“I’m sorry, is this okay?” Harry stood up
and asked as Ryan reached the stairs.
“Sure,” Ryan responded with a smile.
“When did you get here?”
“About half an hour ago. I was out walking most of the day
and somehow ended up here.”
Ryan looked at him sincerely. “You should have called. I
would’ve left early.”
“I don’t have a phone.”
“Oh, I forgot, just owls in the middle of the
laughed walking up the stairs, and then motioned to Harry.
“Come on, I
need to get out of this suit.”
Harry followed him up to his flat. Opening up two beers, Ryan handed
one to Harry. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Ryan changed into jeans and a t-shirt and joined Harry in the living
room. They sat facing each other on the sofa.
“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you
again,” Ryan said with a faint smile.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you
again,” Harry responded, trying not to sound mean.
“And yet you’re here.”
Harry shook his head. “I really haven’t a clue what
I’m doing. I spent the entire day avoiding my best mates and
I’m here and I hardly know you.”
“You need to tell them.”
“What?” Harry asked, somewhat confused.
“You need to come out to them, Harry,” Ryan stated
as a matter of fact.
“That’s what my good Samaritan told me, that I
needed to tell my family and friends.”
“So this is more good karma?”
Ryan let out a quiet laugh and replied, “Afraid so.”
“I can’t tell them,” Harry spoke, his
voice trembling slightly and fear in his eyes.
“Sure you can.” After an awkward silence Ryan
“I’m starving. Let’s talk about it over
They made their way to the end of the block. There were two restaurants
next to each other.
“So,” Ryan said as he pointed to the restaurants,
“pizza or Chinese?”
The smell of tomato sauce and garlic was pleasantly wafting through the
air, and Harry couldn’t remember the last time he had pizza
answered, “Pizza sounds good.”
Harry felt better after eating, having ignored his stomach all day. He
tried to pay the bill, but Ryan wouldn’t hear of it. They
their way back up to Ryan’s flat and watched the telly for a
while. It was getting late and Ryan could sense that Harry
quite ready to go home.
“You can spend the night, if you want.”
“I’m not sure…”
Harry nervously started to say something.
“Don’t worry. I think I can manage to keep my hands
“I don’t mean to be such a pain.”
“You’re not. Besides I told
“Yeah, I know good karma.” Harry smiled.
Ryan set Harry up on the sofa with some blankets and pillows. However,
after fifteen minutes, Harry showed up in Ryan’s bedroom with
puppy dog eyes. “Is it okay if I bunk with you?”
Lifting the blankets to let Harry in, Ryan responded,
Wearing only boxers, Harry snuggled in against Ryan who was wearing
just pajama bottoms. Ryan spooned him and whispered against
Harry’s hair, “You’re not making this
easy for me,
“I’m sorry.” Harry started to sit up.
“I’ll go sleep on…”
Ryan pulled him back down and hugged him. “Don’t be
Harry woke up alone to the sound of the shower running. He looked at
the clock and saw that it was only six thirty A.M. He hadn’t
up this early in a long time. Harry figured Ryan must need to leave for
work soon, so he dragged himself out of bed and got dressed. Ryan came
back to the bedroom as Harry was lacing up his trainers.
“Stay for breakfast,” Ryan stated more than asked
as he got dressed for work.
Harry was about to say 'no', when Ryan interrupted his train of
thought. “Come on, we have time for tea and toast.”
The idea came to Harry as they were having breakfast. “Would
do me a favour?” Harry asked tentatively, feeling as he had
already imposed far too much.
“What is it?”
“Could you pose as my boyfriend?” Harry requested,
his cheeks burning pink.
“And why is that?”
“Well I think it might be easier for my friends to grasp me
being gay if it were real.”
Ryan laughed. “It is real.”
Harry blushed again. “No, I meant, just hearing it
isn’t the same as seeing it.”
“I know what you meant. What were you thinking?”
“How about dinner at that Chinese restaurant tomorrow night?
I’ll ask them to dinner to meet you. I think it’ll
being there. Especially Ron, he’ll have to limit his
“Temper?” Ryan asked with a touch of alarm.
“Red head,” Harry stated as if that explained
Ryan nodded. “Sure, I’ll do it. Why the sudden
“No time like the present. Besides I don’t want to
keep avoiding them.”
“Harry, it won’t be the easiest thing in the world,
but from experience, you’ll be glad you did it.”
“Seven o’clock okay? ”
“I’ll be there.”
“And I’m paying,” Harry said emphatically.
“I have a hefty inheritance that I almost never get to
Ryan smiled. “I should have let you pay for the
Harry stopped off at the market on his way home. Since moving into
Number 12 Grimmauld Place, Harry had become the cook. It was a
combination of the fact that he had way too much free time to fill,
neither Hermione or Ron knew their way around a kitchen, and there was
only so much greasy take away he could stomach. Over the past few
weeks, Harry found that he rather enjoyed cooking and it meant that
Hermione and Ron would have to clean up afterwards.
Harry and Ron spent a fair amount of time sleeping and enjoying some
well deserved rest. They played chess or exploding snap frequently with
Hermione sitting by the fire engrossed in some book. It had only been a
few days, but Harry missed them. He decided to make his absence up to
them with poached salmon and roasted potatoes. The house was empty when
he arrived. Hermione was at work of course, and Ron had left a note
saying that he had gone to Diagon Alley to help Fred and George at the
store. Harry wasn't too surprised and felt a bit guilty for leaving
Ron alone in the house.
As Harry prepared dinner, he thought about ways to tell his friends he
was gay. Nothing he could think of seemed like the right words. He was
scared that no matter what he said, he wouldn’t be able to
his feelings for Ron. His assumption was that Hermione would be okay
with it, but Ron was another story. It was a complete understatement
that it was not going to be easy.
Hermione and Ron arrived home at almost the same time. The smell of
food drew them to the kitchen.
“What’s the occasion?” Ron asked as he
snooped about the kitchen to see what smelled so good.
“I’m apologizing for not having been around the
last few days.”
“Apologize any time,” Ron stated happily as he
grabbed a pitcher of pumpkin juice.
Hermione changed from her work clothes into jeans and a t-shirt and
joined them in the kitchen. “Great, I’m
The three sat down together and shared pleasant dinner conversation.
Ron talked about the goings on at WWW, and Hermione updated the guys on
what was happening at the Ministry. Harry served up some ice cream for
dessert. He had picked out chocolate for Ron and strawberry sorbet for
Hermione. They eyed him suspiciously.
“Okay, out with it,” Hermione demanded.
“What?” Harry asked as innocently as he could feign.
“You are buttering us up,” she said, taking a bite
sorbet. “I know when I’m being buttered up,
Ron was inhaling his ice cream. “I don’t care if
you are up
to something, Harry. Just pass me the sorbet, I want to try some of
Harry couldn’t help but smile at his best friends. They were
predictable, but in a good way. They were always exactly who they were.
He swallowed hard and got up his Gryffindor courage. “I met
“Duh,” Ron said with his mouthful. “I
wondered when you were going to tell us about it.”
“Sorry, it’s just been a little strange.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ron interjected. “Muggle,
we got that part already.”
Hermione flashed Ron a stern warning.
“And a few years older,” Harry added.
Ron made an unidentifiable guttural sound.
“How old?” Hermione inquired with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh,” Hermione answered.
Harry could see her mind was rendering judgment.
“I’d like you to meet. How about dinner tomorrow
night?” Harry spat out as quickly as he could before he lost
His friends looked a bit shocked. This was definitely a first. After a
thoughtful pause, Hermione answered, “Of course we
Ron looked to her and then to Harry and simply shrugged his shoulders
That night Harry lost three games of wizard chess in a row to Ron,
while Hermione sat by the fire reading a book of household spells that
she had borrowed from Mrs. Weasley.
Filled to the brim with anxiety, Harry barely slept. He emerged from
his room around noon the next day to find Ron reading the Daily Prophet
by the fireplace.
“You up for some more chess?” Harry asked trying to
as normal as possible despite the fact that his insides were twisting.
“Set ‘em up,” Ron said, joining Harry at
set. “You’re sure you’re not tired of
me?” Ron chided Harry.
“I will beat you, Weasley. One of these days I will beat
Harry tried not to look up at Ron. If he didn’t know better,
he would have sworn that Ron was flirting.
For the first time in days, they spent time together talking, playing
chess and cleaning out some of the unused bedrooms. Now that it was no
longer Order headquarters, they had promised Hermione to try and make
the place more of a home for themselves. Harry still wasn’t
sure. He still felt that they were there just temporarily and that it
would never really be his home.
Harry, Hermione and Ron were walking towards the restaurant at seven
“There he is,” Harry stated cheerfully.
Ron looked at Harry with wide searching eyes and then to Hermione. She
looked to Ron as if to let him know that she had no idea either.
Rushing ahead, Harry took Ryan’s hand and walked him back to
where his friends were standing somewhat stupefied.
“Are you taking the piss out of us?” Ron asked
“No. I swear…” Harry started to say
something but Ryan cut him off.
“You said you were going to tell them before hand. This
wasn’t supposed to be an ambush.” Ryan said calmly,
capturing Harry’s gaze.
Harry looked from Ryan to Hermione and then to Ron.
sorry I chickened out. I figured it would just be
Harry couldn’t finish that thought either for Ron cut him
“Easy? What the hell Harry? You’re
The tension ran high as everyone just stared at each other. Hermione
gently rubbed Ron’s back in attempt to calm him down. She
Harry a kind motherly look and then broke the silence. “Give
She pulled Ron a few paces away and whispered in his ear,
listen to what I am about to say very carefully. Harry is your best
friend and that will never change. He is probably terrified right now.
Think of what it must have taken for him to finally tell us. Think of
everything we’ve been through. If you do anything other than
a smile and join us all for dinner I will hex you into the middle of
Harry studied Hermione’s body language as she spoke. He
over to Ryan and whispered, “She’s threatening him
now.” Harry cracked a small smile. “She’s
With that said, Hermione grabbed Ron’s arm and pulled him
over to Harry and Ryan. Letting go of Ron’s arm, she jumped
Harry’s and gave him a heartfelt hug. As always with any
emotional moment, she had tears streaming down her cheeks. Harry gave
her a peck on the cheek. Hermione let go of Harry and brushed his shirt
out. “I’m starving. Let’s eat,”
and led the four of them into the restaurant. Ron followed begrudgingly
keeping a fierce glare on Ryan.
Dinner was an exercise in controlled tension. Hermione did her best to
avoid any uncomfortable silences by asking Ryan about his career and
family. She asked them how they met. To which Harry explained about the
bar with as little detail as possible. All the while Ron shifted
uncomfortably in his seat. She filled in with conversations about
European ski vacations and compared notes with Ryan on where they had
both traveled. Ron sat silently and barely touched his food. In an
attempt to make peace Ryan asked Ron about his family.
Ron answered dryly, “I have five older brothers and one
younger sister. And then there’s Harry and
“Of course,” Ryan agreed with him.
“I’d kill anyone who hurt them,” Ron said
Hermione kicked him under the table. Harry diverted his eyes across the
room. Ron sank lower in the booth.
Somehow they all managed to survive to the fortune cookie. Harry
started to laugh and read his aloud. “Destiny is not in the
but in your hands.” Hermione and Ron couldn’t help
laugh as well. Ryan smiled at them and realized that he was not in on
They meandered from the restaurant to the street and said strained
goodbyes. Although Ron did shake Ryan’s hand when it was
to him. Ron and Hermione started down the block. When the two turned
around to wave one more goodbye, Harry impetuously pulled Ryan into a
hot and steamy yet forced kiss. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry
witnessed Ron grouse and then Disapparate. Harry couldn’t
how stupid that was of Ron. Luckily, Ryan was facing away and the
street appeared empty. When Harry broke the kiss, Hermione shrugged her
shoulders and then walked around the corner.
“What was that for?” Ryan calmly asked as Hermione
had disappeared from view.
“Effect, I suppose. Sorry about that.”
“Relax Harry. You don’t need to try so hard with
them. They’re wonderful friends.”
“I know,” Harry said wistfully.
Ryan extended his hand out to Harry. “Come on, I’ll
fix you a drink. You look like you could use one.”
Harry took the beer from Ryan and made himself at home on the couch. As
he lifted the beer to his lips, his hands were visibly shaking.
“I think I need something stronger,” he commented.
“Sure.” Ryan said, and fetched a bottle of whiskey
shot glasses. He sat next to Harry and poured. Harry quickly threw back
the shot and let out a deep breath. After downing his glass, Ryan put
his large hands over Harry’s shoulders and started massaging
“That’s nice,” Harry stated as he closed
his eyes and tried desperately to relax.
“You’re so tense. You’re still
said as he continued to rub Harry’s neck and shoulders.
Harry took a quick sip of his beer and then answered, “It
every ounce of self control to get through that dinner. Ron hates
“He doesn’t hate you. Me, well his eyes shot
daggers at me.
It was obviously just as painful for him to sit through dinner as it
was for you.”
“Hermione was great though.” Harry smiled.
“I knew she would be.”
“Yes, she was.”
“I knew Ron would be pissed.”
Ryan gave Harry a big bear hug from behind and spoke softly into his
ear, “He’s not mad because you’re gay.
because you didn’t tell him. There’s a huge
Harry took another sip of his beer and then said,
“You are more than welcome to stay the night, but I think you
should go home and talk to him.”
Harry turned his head and body to look at Ryan behind him.
“Really? I figured I’d let him cool off, sleep on
“Emotion isn’t always a bad thing, Harry. If you
don’t face him now, he may never tell you what he really
He’ll bury it and then resent you over never having said
“You really think I should go?”
Ryan watched Harry go, knowing full well he would never see him again.
Hermione found Ron sitting in the kitchen, his elbows on the table with
his head in his hands. Cautiously she walked behind him and placed a
hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be mad at him, Ron. He
you right now.”
“Bollocks!” Ron spat without looking up.
“This is Harry we’re talking about. We are his
Ron stood abruptly and kicked the chair across the room. Frightened,
Hermione backed into the doorway. There was a hateful look in
Ron’s eyes that she had never seen before.
“He should have told us!” Ron yelled at her.
“So that you could yell at him like this?” She
hissed back at him.
“Better than,” Ron imitated her mockingly,
you’re gay. Hmmm, I’d like to try the orange
Ron stared at her coldly and then a dark thought crept into his mind.
“Did you know?”
“No,” she said simply, shaking her head.
Somehow he didn’t believe her. She always knew everything.
didn’t seem upset at all. Ron deliberately stared her down
then screamed at her, “Did… You…
“Ron, I swear I didn’t.” she slowly
approached him, tears welling in her eyes.
“Then how come you’re not the least bit upset or
shocked by any of this?”
Hermione spoke in almost a whisper. “It makes sense. Think
about him with girls. He was never that interested.”
“What about Ginny?”
“Ron that was a couple of kisses well over a year ago. Think
about it. We’ve been back three months and he
to get back with her.” Hermione studied Ron’s
and tried to figure out if he was getting better or worse. He was still
A long minute later, Ron started up again. “All the same, it
would have been nice to know that my best friend is a poof.”
“Oh, Ron,” Hermione said disapprovingly.
“No, really, Hermione. We’ve spent every day and
together the last year and a half. You think it might have come
up.” Ron paused, but Hermione said nothing. He continued, his
rage increasing with every syllable. “And tonight? Harry told
things like ‘it’s a Muggle” and
older’. He kind of missed the most important bit.
think? Springing him on us like that, that’s rubbish. Well,
him.” Ron was now so loud that neither he nor
heard the crackling sound just outside the kitchen.
Hermione was mortified. “Don’t say
“Well that’s what it is, isn’t it?
some guy and throwing it in our faces.” Ron was now yelling
inches from her face.
“That’s not what he was doing and you know
Hermione, holding her own. “And stop yelling at me.”
“Well Harry’s not here to yell at, is he?”
“Yes, I am,” Harry spoke softly. Both Hermione and
nearly got whiplash as their heads jerked to look at him. “Go
Ron. I think Ryan was right. You say what you need to say.”
“Oh yes,” Ron answered snidely, “Ryan
must know all.”
“He knows more than you,” Harry said bitterly.
Hermione interrupted, “Boys don’t do this.
calm down before someone says something they don’t
“No,” said Harry firmly. “Ron’s
got something to say. Go on, say it.”
Ron wasn’t sure where to begin. He stared at Harry a moment
then blurted out, “I just don’t like broken
“What?” Harry asked completely thrown off by the
“The day you left St. Mungo’s, you said
our Auror training after the New Year. What about that?”
“Oh really? You plan to explain everything to your new Muggle
Harry thought about it then answered honestly,
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“So it’s just the club circuit for you then?
Different shag every night?”
Hermione slapped Ron on the arm and interjected,
“That’s uncalled for.”
Harry simply rolled his eyes. “Oh please.”
“Harry,” Ron spoke dangerously soft with his eyes
to the floor.
“How long have you known?” Ron asked seething, his
eyes still on the floor.
“It’s not like that. It’s not like you
wake up one
day and say ‘gee I’m gay’. It happens
over time. One
day you think it’s odd how you don’t really fancy
Maybe another day you have an odd dream or strange feeling. You think
it’s a fluke or normal or whatever. It’s like
always known and yet you didn’t. It took months, maybe years.
don’t really know how to explain it.”
“Bollocks! Answer the fucking question,” Ron yelled
finally looking up at Harry.
“Maybe since fifth or sixth year. I’m not
“And you never told us,” Ron accused him.
Harry’s stomach twisted. He could taste the bile as it rose
this throat. “I was a little preoccupied, don’t you
My love life wasn’t exactly high up on my priority
“You don’t need to tell me that. I was there,
“What a stupid…” Harry pointed to his
scar. “Yea, I think I remember.”
“You weren’t the only one saving the
Harry looked at Ron incredulously. “Is that what this is
about? Poor Ron, the sidekick, the best friend, second fiddle never
gets enough credit?”
Hermione spoke quietly, “I beg of you both. Do not do
this.” The two of them turned in surprise to look at her.
had momentarily forgotten she was there.
Ron turned his stare back to Harry and yelled, “No Harry,
about you Taking It Up The Arse and not thinking that it was important
enough to tell your best friends!”
“Ron!” Hermione screamed.
“Well, for your information, I never have!” Harry
“Yet!" Ron yelled back at him. “And not that
you’d tell us!”
“Fine,” Harry spat with venom. “You want
the gory details. You got em.”
“You don’t have to do this,” Hermione
“No, I want to,” Harry answered, his blood boiling.
“Yes, I’m soooo deviant. I have kissed three people
whole life. I have wanked, which Ron, I know full well you are not a
stranger to. I have had one hand job, which Ron, I also know that
Lavender Brown gave you one the night of Slughorn’s Christmas
party. I have had one blow job, which,” Harry looked briefly
Hermione and said, “I’m sorry Hermione,”
and then he
re-locked his eyes to Ron’s, “I know you gave Ron
night of Bill and Fleur’s wedding. And I have given one,
em, one hand job. Does that satisfy your need to know?”
Harry stormed from the kitchen and into the living room. Her mouth
agape, Hermione followed after him. Harry searched her eyes for some
sort of comfort. He was panting and desperately willing himself not to
apparate to China.
Ron came into the room a minute later. He stared Harry down and calmly
spoke as if taking an oath. “I would have died for
Harry’s reply was more hurt than anything else.
“Well, I would have died for you. In fact, I almost
“I know,” Ron said barely above a whisper. His wet
eyes locked with Harry’s.
All of a sudden Harry was flooded by a memory of Ron at St.
Mungo’s. Ron was holding his hand and crying. For the first
Harry realized that Ron had never left his side. He remembered Hermione
and Mrs. Weasley begging Ron to go home and get some rest. Only Ron
didn’t leave. Not until over a week later, when it became
that Harry would make it. And even then, Ron was never gone for long.
The two best mates stood and stared at each other, their chests rising
and falling, breathing hard. Harry could feel the tension. Only it
wasn’t anger. It was sexual tension. Blood was rushing to his
crotch. There was Ron, the man he would die for, looking angry, looking
powerful, looking aroused, looking so fucking sexy that Harry thought
he would come right there on the spot.
Ron looked over at Hermione and said softly, “Hermione, you
need to leave now.”
“What?” she asked completely confused.
Ron’s voice was low, steady and carried the weight of
truth. “Hermione, we love you. You are going to your
parent’s house for the night.”
She was about to open her mouth when Ron cut her off.
our friendship means anything, you will not ask another single question
and do this for us.”
Hermione was shaken up. Her eyes filled with tears. She reached for her
wand inside her jacket pocket. There was a crackle and a flash of
light. She was gone.
Ron kept his gaze on Harry and closed the distance between them before
the light had faded. His mouth covered Harry’s as his hands
reached around his back and pulled him to his body. Even through two
sets of pants, Harry could feel Ron’s erection against his
abdomen. Light headed, Harry felt his knees giving way. He collapsed to
the floor and Ron fell on top of him. They continued to kiss as if the
world would end if they stopped.
Ron took Harry’s hands and held them, one on either side of
face. He ground his crotch into Harry’s, which instantly
a wild moan. Ron broke the kiss and stared into Harry’s eyes.
“Me,” he growled more than spoke, and then sucked
“What?” Harry asked confused and breathless.
“It should be me.” Ron held the weight of his body
on Harry’s hips and hands.
Harry kept his eyes locked with Ron’s. “I wanted it
to be you. I swear. I didn’t think it could.”
Then Ron kissed him again. Their tongues probed each other’s
mouths as Ron squeezed Harry’s hands. Ron drifted the kiss
Harry’s cheek and to his ear where he whispered,
always been you.” Then Ron broke away and pulled himself to
knees, straddling Harry’s lap. “I thought you would
figured that out.”
“How could I?” Harry asked desperately.
“Didn’t you ever stop to think why Hermione and I
never made a go of it?”
“I thought…I thought… okay I
don’t know what
I thought. I’m a stupid prat. Why didn’t you tell
“You had enough to deal with.” Ron’s pale
searched Harry’s eyes and asked him sincerely, “Why
didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I thought it would ruin our friendship.”
“You think that little of me?”
“No, that much,” Harry answered, reaching up around
Ron’s neck and pulling him back down for another kiss. This
warm and wanting more. Ron helped Harry pull off his shirt and then
took off his own. Ron pressed his chest against Harry’s. The
shared heat was exquisite. More hungry kisses followed.
Ron staggered to his feet and reached his hand out to Harry.
“My bed,” he commanded as he pulled Harry to his
They fell onto the bed kissing, groping, and rubbing all while kicking
off their shoes. They fumbled with each other’s trousers and
somehow managed to get them off. They were finally bare, nothing left
between them. Harry tackled Ron onto his back, kissing, touching, and
feeling every inch of his body touching every inch of Ron’s.
Harry licked his way down Ron’s chest and stomach. He paused
briefly to admire Ron’s cock. Harry had never wanted to do
anything more in his life when he sunk his mouth over the shaft.
“Aw fuck, that’s so good,” Ron moaned,
and ran his
fingers through the thick black hair bobbing up and down over his
Soon Ron couldn’t hold anything back and bucked his hips into
Harry’s hot mouth. “I’m so
close,” he whispered
through heavy breaths.
Harry pulled his mouth away and stroked Ron hard and fast.
orgasm ripped through his body and he spurted over his stomach. Harry
slid up his side and began kissing Ron’s mouth again.
First scooping up some of his own cum from his stomach as lubricant,
Ron took Harry’s desperate cock in his hand. Harry let his
fall back and closed his eyes. Ron stroked faster and faster. Harry
tried to scream but nothing came out. Ron kissed his ear and whispered,
“Come for me, Harry.” And then he did, all the
light within a four block radius flickered for several seconds.
It had been a little after 10PM, when Hermione apparated to her
parent’s house. It took her the better part of an hour to
out what had actually just happened. She anxiously stayed up past 3AM
thinking about the last seven years with Harry and Ron. She kept
replaying their lives together as she tore apart and reconstructed her
relationships with them in her mind. With Harry, it was all kindness
and concern. A soothing kind of love and respect that they had for each
other. With Ron, it was all fire and brimstone. Sure they had a deep
bond of friendship, but their attraction had always been fueled by
their sharp differences. The fighting seemed to create some sort of
crazy passion. Yet whenever they had tried to act on it, it was always
a let down and never amounted to what they thought it should be.
Her emotions ran the gamut of hurt, angry and sad to happy and
resolved. Her conclusion was that this was simply the way it was meant
to be. She loved them both but not in the way that made a couple.
After only a few hours of sleep, Hermione apparated back to Grimmauld
place. While the boys had decided to take some time off, she had
decided to start work a month earlier. Hermione was temporarily part of
a Ministry post war task force to help sort out Death Eaters from those
under the Imperius curse. Once things settled down, she could pretty
much have her pick of any Ministry department that she wanted.
All was quiet. Nervously, she tiptoed to her room. On the way she
passed Ron’s room. The door was slightly ajar and she
couldn’t help but peek in. The boys were asleep under one of
Ron’s mother’s quilts. She gave a short sigh and
her room to change for work.
When she reemerged, she found Harry in the kitchen with a teakettle in
“Fancy a cuppa?” Harry asked her with such caring
in his eyes. There was always something about Harry’s eyes.
Hermione looked at her watch and saw that she was already an hour late.
She was about to tell Harry that she had to get to work, when she
realized that it was more important to stay. If there was anything the
war had taught her it was how to put work in perspective to the rest of
her life. Harry needed to talk and that was far more important than
anything waiting for her at the office.
“Sure Harry,” she said with a soft smile and sat at
Harry poured two cups and sat down across from her. “You
“Yep,” she answered, her eyes a little watery.
They just stared at each other contemplatively and sipped for a few
“So you talked it out?” Hermione asked obviously
knowing the answer.
“Not too much talking, but yeah we worked it out,”
Harry replied with red cheeks.
“Good. I’m glad.”
“Harry,” she said, taking his hand from across the
“I love you both, but you two have something else, something
more. I’m not stupid. I realize that.”
“But you and Ron…”
“Are friends, same as you and me,” she answered
“I was scared this might ruin our friendship.”
“No, not a chance.” She smiled and
squeezed his hand.
“I love him.”
“I know.” She paused and took a long sip
of tea. “It must have been so hard for you, so
“I have lost count of the things that are unfair in my
life,” Harry stated matter-of-factly.
A single tear streamed down Hermione’s cheek. She told him,
“You deserve to be happy.”
Harry stared of into space for a moment then looked Hermione square in
the eyes. “You know for the first time in my life,
actually believe that I can be.”
At the same time, they both stood and walked around the table. Harry
pulled Hermione into his arms and hugged her tight. She softly cried
into his neck. After a few minutes, she wiped her tears and
straightened out her clothes.
“I’ll see you both later
tonight.” She pecked Harry on the cheek and
Floo’d to the Ministry.
When Harry turned down the hall, he found Ron sitting there.
“How long have you been there?”
“A while,” Ron answered.
Harry slid down the wall and sat next to Ron.
Ron began to explain, “I couldn’t face her just
I was pretty harsh with her last night. I figured the two of you would
sort everything out.”
“As usual.” Harry chuckled at the fact
things never change. It was also a bit of a relief that even though Ron
and Harry were now together, it had not seemed to affect the dynamic
between the three of them.
Ron leaned over and kissed Harry full on the mouth. It drifted and
lingered and was everything a kiss should be.
When Ron finally pulled away, Harry asked him, “So this is
“Yeah, and Harry…”
“I love you too.”
End Notes: I
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